


Denial

by ErosolBabEy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Character Death, Denial, M/M, Sad Karkat Vantas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:47:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29224179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErosolBabEy/pseuds/ErosolBabEy
Summary: Karkat. Dirk. also sorry the ending is a little rushed, it was an essay for school and had a set page limit.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Dirk Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Denial

The thought of Dave leaving him for someone better, someone prettier or more handsome than him had always been a fear that Karkat had. It wasn’t until Dave finally up and left him did Karkat ever truly believe what his gut was telling him. 

The bouts of staring in the mirror, self-loathing flowing freely into the depths of his mind, and the constant thoughts of being unworthy hadn’t always been a thing but Karkat couldn’t help it when he thought about how little he achieved compared to everyone else. He was one of the only people that could not achieve god-tier, the love of his life, Dave Strider, left him, and there was no one else he could trust. It had been almost a year since he had last seen Dave and he started wondering if it was his fault that Dave left him. He would stare for hours at his reflection. He learned to loathe his pasty grey skin, his chubby cheeks, his nubby horns, and his disgusting blood colour so much that they were burned into his head at this point. He stopped sleeping after Dave left, he couldn’t stand being in that bed alone, and he stopped leaving the house. He rarely got visitors and even when he did it was only ever someone wanting to rant to him about their own issues. 

A harsh knock came from the door, knocking him out of his own mind. Rushing to put on his black turtleneck sweater with his grey cancer symbol, he goes to the door. Opening the door only revealed someone he hadn’t seen for almost a year now Dave’s brother Dirk Strider. His hair was still as unkempt as ever and his normal triangle sunglasses had been replaced with Dave’s aviators. He sputtered for a moment before coughing loudly and saying, “OH, UHM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE DIRK?” His naturally loud voice combined with the raspiness that always decided to show up after he had been crying made his words sound harsher than he intended. Dirk looked around for a moment and asked to come inside, well he did not really ask, he just walked in.

Looking around the messy, but still somehow bare, room he turned to Karkat, “Are you okay man? No one’s seen you around in what seems like forever.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN? NO, REALLY, WHAT ARE YOU INSINUATING? JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE DOESN'T LIKE TALKING TO YOU LOSERS ON A REGULAR BASIS DOESN’T MEAN I DON'T GET OUT ANYMORE? ARE *YOU* OKAY, OR DID YOU JUST GET HIT IN THE HEAD? DO YOU HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE OR HAVE YOU JUST BEEN TALKING TO JOHN TOO MUCH? HAS HIS IDIOTIC TENDENCIES SPREAD TO YOU?! IS IT CONTAGIOUS NOW? I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONE.”

“Dude you’re doing the ramble-rant thing again.” Dirk was getting even more worried at this point. He had not talked to Karkat as much as he should have but if he was anything like his brother, then this was a terrible sign. Karkat had gone on a much longer rant this time about how ‘Dirk doesn’t know him that well’. Looking around the room only revealed what dirk was suspecting. The only clothes he could see were Dave’s, there were no clean dishes, no intact pictures were hung up, and the only ‘furniture’ he still had were Dave’s turntables. Only small keepsakes could be found in sight. Either Karkat is planning on going furniture shopping soon or he hasn’t been working and just selling things to afford rent. Karkat had noticed Dirk not paying attention at this point and was just watching him observe his house. Karkat knows it’s futile to say anything to the man at this point and just let him do his thing. 

Dirk turned towards Karkat and said, “This weekend you’re coming to the park with me and Roxy, no arguing.” Once he noticed Karkat shaking his head, he lowered his shades and glared at him, his orange eyes seemingly glowing. Karkat couldn’t help but notice how similar he looked to Dave, it made sense to a point. They are brothers after all. 

He breathed a sigh of despair, “ALRIGHT BUT, I WON’T ENJOY IT!” Dirk smiles slightly and pushes his shades back up and walks towards the door. When he looks back at Karkat he smiles and waves at him before closing the door. 

Watching him leave felt more painful than when he was standing next to him. He was one of the last things Karkat could relate to Dave, but that’s not why it hurts is it? No, it is not, Karkat just thinks he’s a cool person and that is it! Sighing, Karkat sat down on the floor in a pile of Dave’s items and one or two of Kanaya’s gifts. He could feel the tears building up in his eyes, he could still hear the footsteps as he left, and he could still see Dirks soft smile right before he left. He couldn’t do this again, he refused! He slaps his cheeks and sunk even further into his pile before drifting off to sleep.

It’s the weekend now and Karkat is still mildly upset about having to go out. He got dressed up in his favorite dark red sweater and black jeans that used to be very tight but now draped over his legs, It was still tight around the hips though. He decided against trying to tame his wild mess of hair and just slipped on his sneakers and left the house. The walk to the park was uneventful and Karkat had hoped that Roxy wouldn’t be with them that long. As much as he hated to admit it, he really wanted alone time with Dirk. 

Maybe it was because of how similar he was to his old love, but something drew him to Dirk. Every time he closed his eyes he could see his smug smirk and the glow of his gorgeous orange eyes. No matter how hard he tried to ignore the thoughts of him he couldn’t. Before long he had arrived at the park where he was supposed to be meeting Dirk and Roxy. 

It didn’t take long for Karkat to spot Dirk and Roxy. It was hard to miss a buff decently short man with the spikiest hair ever standing next to a surprisingly tall girl with bright white hair and a hot pink skirt. Roxy was on the phone, frantically waving her right hand as she spoke to whomever was on the phone with her. Dirk was just standing there on his phone, ignoring whatever she was yelling. Karkat debated turning around right then and there but decided that he would rather suffer through a loud Roxy than an angry Dirk. 

When Roxy notices Karkat approaching her pink eyes sparkle and she waves as hard as she could. Her expression quickly turned sour as she yelled out what Karkat could only make out as incoherent nonsense and hung up on whoever she was talking to. She turned towards Dirk and Karkat and said, “I am so so sorry you guys but I have to go in a moment! Calliope let her brother babysit today and let me tell you he is not someone you want to trust with a child!” Roxy rolled her eyes as she finished her sentence. 

“Nah, you're good Rox. Next time just leave the kids with John, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind watchin’ ‘em” Dirk smiled at Roxy, his slight southern accent peeking through his words at the end of his sentence making Karkats heart swoon. 

“OH, YEAH ROXY, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT JUST GO ON YOUR WAY!” Karkat realized he most likely sounded a tad too excited about her leaving when he saw her eyebrows tilt upwards and her smile falter for a moment. 

“Oh, well I hope you two have a nice time out. Later.” Roxy gave a peace sign and started trudging towards her car. Dirk and Karkat stood there for what seemed like forever to Karkat. Karkat sat down on the dirt and stared up at Dirk waiting for him to end the silence. 

While he was sitting on the dirt Karkat let his mind wander and he began pondering why Dirk had made him leave the house in the first place. The sun felt harsh on his face and everything felt amplified by thirty. His head was pounding in his ears and it felt like he couldn't breathe the longer he sat there. Eventually Dirk cut off his thoughts, “Wanna go get some coffee?” 

“Sure, yeah. That sounds nice I guess.” Karkat heard his voice crack as he spoke, his sentence more than rushed. Standing up quickly, Karkat began walking with Dirk following after. Eventually, after a lot of arguing, the two decided on a coffee shop that was only about a two minute walk from Karkats apartment. The two boys ordered their drinks and sat down at a table outside the shop. 

Dirk took off Dave’s aviators and spoke to Karkat in a solemn tone, “So how have you been since the, um, accident?” His eyebrow quirked as he asked the question.

“Accident? What accident?” Karkat could feel his heart quicken and his eyes watering slightly. He didn’t understand why though, no accident happened. The more he tried to think of an accident the more his head hurt and the more he felt like he needed to leave as quickly as possible.

“What do you mean by ‘what accident’? I know you probably don’t want to talk about it but Dave’s death needs to be addressed!” Karkat couldn’t believe what he was hearing, Dave was not dead. He couldn't be!

“Dave’s not dead!” Karkat was yelling at this point, his head hurt and tears were streaming down his face. He felt his brethren quicken even more and he stood up to leave. 

“Karkat, sit down and be civil! You can’t just deny he died!” Dirk also looked frantic at this point as he tried to stop Karkat. Karkat thought he had heard enough and began speed walking away from the shop as quickly as he could. The path back to his apartment was short and he was running as fast as he could. He flew up the stairs to his apartment door and slammed and locked it behind him. 

He fell to the floor, a mess of crying and babbling incoherent nonsense. He could hear Dirk pounding on the door as he crawled towards his pile, his safe place. Karkat felt numb, he could hear yelling, was that him? He tried thinking about what Dirk said. An accident? Dave’s dead? Karkat couldn't believe what he heard. 

He remembered. In a flash, he remembered everything about the night. A crash, he caused it, Dave died. There was a funeral , was it Dave’s funeral? Only one thought was left in Karkats mind.

Dave was dead. 

Karkat felt a wave of dread and loneliness wash over him in waves. He ran to open the door to let Dirk in, stumbling along the way. When he opened the door Dirk looked terrible, his eyes were bloodshot and he had tears dripping down his chin. His hair looked like he had been combing his fingers through it and his glasses were held tightly in his left hand. When Karkat opened the door Dirk immediately tackled Karkat to the ground in a hug. 

“Don't you dare run like that from me again!” Dirk sobbed into Karkats sweater. Karkat had never seen him cry. He always had the best poker face out of all the Striders. Karkat hugged him back and cried into his hair. 

Eventually they both calmed down and looked up at each other. Karkat stared into Dirks eyes and felt his eyes close as they both began to lean in. 

“I love you.” Dirk whispered to Karkat. Karkat quickly pushed him away. 

“I’m sorry! Just…” His words trailed off before he took a deep breath and continued, “I love you too but, I can’t now. I just need some time.” Karkat could feel a tear fall down his cheek as he blushed and looked towards the floor. 

A look of disappointment flashed across his face before Dirk wiped Karkats tears and said, “I can wait, I’ve waited this long, I can wait as long as you need!” Dirk took Karkats hand in his and stood up slowly. Once he was fully up he picked up Karkat's body bridal style and layed him down on his pile. Dirk took out his phone and played down with Karkat while turning on Miss Congeniality on his phone. Karkat felt himself slowly drift to sleep in Dirks warm embrace. 

Karkat doesn't know if he will ever get over Dave but he knows he wants to at least try, for Dirk.

**Author's Note:**

> HI :o)


End file.
